here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
