like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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