Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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