the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
