I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
