Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
