Just mADE A PArabola og urine
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
