Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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