JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
