I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
