I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
