Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
