On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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