I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
