oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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