I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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