I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
