You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
