I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
