I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
