I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How external is "for external use only"?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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