I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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