I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize