3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Randomize
