I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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