i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
