take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
