haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
