nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
