Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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