this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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