when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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