Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
