My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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