that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
