oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
where am i from again
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We need to get me chipped asap
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
