Me. At least after what I've been through.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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