i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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