One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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