I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
