Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
