every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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