hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
