i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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