I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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