i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Drunk is not a location!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
These tits shall not be calmed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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