Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
