Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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