I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
