Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm sobbing to NWA
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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