ugly people sure do ruin things
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
