Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What a dumb baby whore.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
