I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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