when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
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guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
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The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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