I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
