i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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