Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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