Say something about gay babies.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
