apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
