I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
God, I missed his penis.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
