Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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