i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
