i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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