birth control should be required to get into college
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
