Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The beers last night were like the tears from god
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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