Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Green mimosas i think yes
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
