my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think I won the penis lottery.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
