I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
