Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize