i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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