I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
