My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My vagina is very pro this idea
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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