This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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