they need to just BURY HIM!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
