Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
