You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
