u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
