last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
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I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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