You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
