I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
