we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
