So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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