I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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