hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
