I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
