thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
