Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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