I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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