God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
